In the Media
My passion is about building intimacy in relationships -connecting couples emotionally and sexually. In addition to my own writing, I’ve been quoted in the media, including CNN, Mashable and Bustle.
Tuning into the Body
by Deborah J Fox
I’ve found that many sources of tension and disconnection are often outside of clients’ awareness, held in implicit memories—also called body memories—that are made up of old, unchallenged messages about how the world works. There can be so much anguish in the room when partners spiral into vicious cycles of blame and defensiveness that it’s tempting to focus on easing the immediate emotional pain by whatever means necessary, but this can be a diversion from the larger therapeutic task of healing old wounds that exert control below the surface.
https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/article/tuning-body-couples-work
How To Recover From A Big Fight With Your Partner, From A Therapist
by Deborah J Fox
Couples argue. And even when the shouting stops, that chill in the air can linger all day. Even when you want to somehow resolve the issue and get back to a better place with your partner, you may still be mad. Repairing an argument is hard to do, but the cost of not doing it is high.
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-recover-from-an-argument
What *Really* Makes Arguments Escalate In A Relationship, From A Couples' Therapist
by Deborah J Fox
It's a common experience to feel as if there are hidden tripwires set for you to stumble over at your most unsuspecting moment. Often the intensity of your partner's reaction doesn't appear to match up with the current situation. This is what makes these sudden flare-ups so confusing. I know many times people look back at an argument and say, "I don't even know what started it," or "Why did she react so irrationally to that trivial thing?" or "What just happened? All I did was ask a simple question, and he went nuts!"
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-fight-less-often-in-relationships
Do Women Really Lose Interest in Sex Over Time - Debunking the Myths
by Deborah J Fox
A major source of sexual frustration in couples is that they’re under the impression that sexual desire just pops up for everyone in the same way. And when it doesn’t, there’s a lot of confusion and blame. Actually . . . . there are two basic types of sexual desire – spontaneous and responsive.
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/women-losing-interest-in-sex
To prevent performance anxiety from interfering with a healthy sex life, mindfulness is an answer
"People who struggle with anxiety often have a hard time relaxing, so their ability to tune into their sexual sensations and allow arousal to happen is compromised," said Deborah Fox, a sex therapist in Washington, DC. "They put so much energy into managing their anxiety that takes them away from enjoying themselves — including the spiciness of sex."
https://www.cnn.com/2021/07/19/health/sex-anxiety-mindfulness-kerner-wellness/index.html
First Steps Towards Our Daughters Never Having to Say #MeToo
We disparage what we don't understand which leads to disrespect
How did we get here? It’s both unfortunate and understandable that we have arrived here in the #MeToo era. Yes, there are those men who just don’t care about women, and those whose brains have been corrupted by power. Then there are so many men who just don’t understand women. Herein lies a major root of #MeToo.
What to do when your partner has a flirty friendship
If your partner still feels threatened by your interactions with another person, it's your job to remove the threat. "You have to ask yourself, 'What's more important: the thrill I'm getting from flirting or my core relationship?' " sex therapist Deborah Fox said. "If the answer is 'the thrill,' then you're putting your relationship at risk."
https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/27/health/flirty-friend-relationship-sex-kerner/index.html
Seniors, new poll says, are still sexy after all these years
"In my clinical practice, my patients of all ages tell me that their physicians don't ask about their sexual satisfaction," sex therapist Deborah Fox said. "If patients bring up the topic, they often find their physicians are perceptively uncomfortable.
https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/09/health/senior-sex-kerner/index.html
'Chore-play'? When couples share the dishes, they're happier
Why is dishwashing -- or, more accurately, a lack of it -- such a trigger for women? It could have its roots in shifting gender stereotypes and our expectations of our partners, sex therapist Deborah Fox said. "Most people alive today have witnessed their moms doing more of the daily household tasks and child rearing than their dads, often while holding a job outside the house," she explained. "Women are sensitive to feeling taken for granted and their time not being as highly valued."
https://www.cnn.com/2018/04/19/health/chores-dishes-sex-kerner/index.html
Actual things you can do to bridge the orgasm gap in your own bedroom
Sex therapist Deborah Fox says that the "majority" of women won't come from intercourse alone and that's simply down to biology. The clitoris is full of nerve endings, while only the outer third of the vagina tends to have responsive nerves," says Fox.
https://mashable.com/2018/03/21/orgasm-gap-tips/#QYeiatd1Y8qZ
Healthy Sex: The Ultimate Guide
“Healthy, satisfying sex helps forge a strong emotional bond in a relationship. And the benefits of that closeness carry way beyond the bedroom,” says Deborah Fox, a certified sex therapist based in Washington, DC. “Knowing that you are desired and accepted helps you feel confident and adds to your overall sense of well-being. It is not just a matter of connecting with another body but of connecting with another person’s body and soul.”
https://www.everydayhealth.com/healthy-sex/
7 Unexpected Ways To Increase The Love Hormone In The Morning
"Oxytocin has been dubbed the 'love hormone' or the 'cuddle hormone' because it’s associated with social bonding behavior," sex and relationship therapist Deborah Fox, MSW tells Bustle. "Oxytocin is released by the pituitary gland when stimulated by various bonding behaviors. Research suggests that its release contributes to feelings of wellbeing, relaxation, and trust, as well as reducing stress and anxiety."
https://www.bustle.com/p/7-unexpected-ways-to-increase-the-love-hormone-in-the-morning-8637189
7 Unexpected Things You Should Never Do When Apologizing To Your Partner
Resist the temptation to ask for an apology in return. "Your partner will likely apologize in return if they're ready, and they may need more time to cool off," relationship therapist Deborah Fox, MSW tells Bustle. "Asking will likely preempt that apology and add a note of tension."
Why your sex drive is in low gear
It's well-known that mental health can impact libido: If you're feeling stressed out, depressed or anxious, sex is probably the last thing on your mind. "Under any stress, sexual desire can be the first to suffer," sex therapist Deborah Fox said. "Busy schedules, work deadlines, untreated depression and feelings resulting from unresolved conflict in your relationship all can lead to a drop in libido."
https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/16/health/low-sex-drive-kerner/index.html
When you and your partner have mismatched libidos
"For men, it's often the appearance of disinterest rather than actual loss of interest," sex therapist Deborah Fox said. "Men avoid sex frequently due to prior performance issues, such as erectile issues or rapid ejaculation. They may avoid it to escape the anxiety of these issues reoccurring." In women, hormonal factors and fatigue can contribute to low libido.
https://www.cnn.com/2017/09/21/health/mismatched-libidos-sex-kerner/index.html
Why Americans are having less sex
"Many couples find themselves in bed looking at their devices, freely admitting that they're doing nothing all that compelling," added Deborah Fox, a psychotherapist. "They've allowed themselves to drift into habits that disconnect them. If sex has become boring for these couples, it's because they've allowed the drift to dampen their creativity, not because that YouTube video is so much more exciting."
https://www.cnn.com/2017/07/19/health/americans-less-sex-kerner/index.html
The ONE Essential Ingredient You Need To Make A Relationship Work
Reporters
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Use `Listening Time' to Maintain Emotional Connections